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ThisCrispyKat
Make Bulgaria Great Again!
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United States

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Weeaboo Noble Heart
An attempted anime Noble Heart, I don't think I was quite able to slough off that Western look.

You know, it's funny this picture even exists, I loathe anime with the burning passion of a million suns.

As a genre I mean, of course there are exceptions. My biggest problem with anime is that it doesn't live up to it's name. Anime is short for Japanimation, an outdated term used, obviously, to refer to animation originating from Japan. But most anime isn't animation, the very definition of the word "animate" is "to make lively, vivacious, vigorous" or "give zest or spirit to" or "to give motion to" making it pretty much the antithesis of the average anime. Have you ever really sat down and examined anime? I'd make Herr Trump's wallet blush if I had a nickle for every time an anime took a lazy shortcut.

Like how walk cycles are swept under the rug, the camera just zooms in above the waist and the character bobs up and down while the background goes by.

I've been subjected to many scenes where literally nothing was happening, a character stares at a sunset either in complete silence or with scheiss inner monologue pretending to be Shakespeare while the the camera slowly zooms in. No, they're not "setting the mood," they're trying to spend as little on animation as possible so more money can go into their own pockets.

Even during a fight scene corners are cut, take Pokemon for example: how many times have you actually witnessed the moment two battling Pokemon make contact with each other? Typically what'll happen is the screen will go black and there'll be a flash or swipe to denote impact or a slice, followed by a still picture of, say, Bulbasaur headbutting Pikachu while the camera pans to one side.

Why are all anime characters constipated? Have you noticed how often they just stand around grunting and sweating when the camera cuts to their face?

Speaking of faces, Japan has no idea how to animate them. It's not just low-budget studios that resort to using emoticon-expressions either, even Ghibli characters seem to suffer from an acute case of Stonefaceitus. There's like zero squash and stretch. Go watch Aladdin or Hunchback of Notre Dame for a second, notice how the entire face can squish or elongate to express a wide array of emotion, it's not only the mouth that moves. Not only that, but the mouth can take on many different shapes, sometimes extremely exaggerated ones, which is fine since while the picture is in motion your brain will barely have time to process it anyway.

Something that both Japanese and Russian animators often ignore are animation smears, while I do occasionally see anime using them it's usually never for anything more sophisticated than a swipe or twirling motion. It's like when high budget anime tries to imitate Disney it thinks all it needs to do is hike up the number of frames used per scene, but if you actually watch a Disney movie frame by frame you'll see there's a lot more up it's sleeve than just frame quantity. In fact, it's a bad idea to make an entire animated movie glassy smooth since some scenes actually look better with fewer frames to give the illusion of speed or panicky movement.

I've had people defend anime's rigid animation style telling me that squash and stretch or a vibrant palette subtracts realism from the feature, so it's harder to suspend disbelief and get invested in a movie unless the characters are just as stiff and desaturated as we are. This is what I would politely refer to as "fucking horseshit," because Lion King not only had squash and stretch out the wazoo, but it was a colourful musical about talking animals and I know a senior citizen who admits to choking up whenever he sees Mufasa die. Can't chalk it up to childhood nostalgia kicking in, this dude was almost 40 when Lion King came out. You can get an audience invested in a pillow looking for it's case if you're talented and creative, our mirror neurons will switch on at the drop of a hat. Besides, if it's realism you're after, why not just watch a live action movie? Surely animation's appeal lay in it's ability to depict things that, on a real set, could never physically happen.

Don't even get me started on proportions. Ever Googled "Yaoi hands?" It's almost like these artists have never seen another human being before. Just the other day I was looking at some height chart from an anime and, I swear to Odin, their legs must've been three times longer than their arms. Now, unless you were born with some sort of deformity, every human should, with stretching and daily practice, be physically capable of bending over far enough to touch their own toes. It's useful to remember tricks like this to avoid those mistakes.

99.99% of all anime looks and feels exactly the same. Unless it's Ghibli, I can't tell any of these studios apart. I swear, Japan's entire animation industry is one workaholic asian guy frantically running from studio to studio making it look like thousands of people are employed there.

And my final complaint about anime is the rabid fans who worship it in spite of it's many flaws and look down their noses at Western animation despite the former still having much to learn from the latter.

"And you drew horsedad in a style you deem inferior because...?"

To lure the Millennials. :iconburnsexcellentplz:

After their time spent at this gallery, they'll develop a physical attraction to golden eagles toss anime in favor of quality entertainment like The Lion Thing!




... He looks like he's about to serve that star to a sword-wielding Brave Heart in tights.
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Hide The Money
Here comes another corrupt Brazilian politician! Well, not really corrupt, I mean, he (usually) doesn't do anything bad... well, at least not like bad-bad, he just occasionally gets put into these unfortunate situations where he kinda sorta needs tooo... steal money, kidnap, and assassinate people? Okay, I know that sounds bad, but it's for a good cause! Most of those people had it coming anyway...

This guy's been in my head for years, but he's gone through quite a drastic shift from happy-go-lucky globalist whose caring mission was getting kids interested in the various cultures and histories of the world's many nations, to a happy-go-lucky Brazilian patriot whose caring mission is strangling you to death with that tie if you so much as look at the amazon funny. I was inspired to make the aforementioned shift after binge-watching environmental documentaries, chiefly anything having to do with the deforestation of said rainforest. Initially you feel a little sorry for the loggers, I'm sure they're not getting rich off this and I doubt it's their dream job, but it reaches a point where you're just like

"Well y'know something, Einstein? Maybe if you didn't have 13 kids you wouldn't be so strapped for cash. Also, if you think times are hard for you, where's Jr. gonna find work after you level Ferngully? Didn't think ahead that far, did'ja? Of course you didn't, that's why you have 13 kids. Also, I sure hope none of your children develop cancer, 'cause the cure for it probably lay in one of those exotic herbs you rendered extinct. Actually, we used to get all different kinds of medicines from the amazon, and now that there's a resistant strain of airborne Hyper Necrotizing Fasciitis going around I'd hide deep underground and bandage that papercut if I were you."

That's basically the stance our rainbow-winged friend here takes. He doesn't care how many mouths you have to feed, he doesn't care that you built this logging company from the ground up over the course of 30 years and you're otherwise a really nice guy, he doesn't care if you're just trying to make ends meet, he will find you, kill you, and somehow mysteriously your money will end up either in his non-existent pockets or sneakily slipped under the door of a conservation organization.

Some might call him an Eco-terrorist, others might call him a sociopath, I call him... Xalvador. :stare:




P.S. I just noticed, it looks like furry Joseph and Magda are looking at him like "What did she say his nationality was? Brazilian? Oh, dear... well, there goes the gallery."
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Guess That Couple
For awhile now I've been toying around with the idea of this furry alternate Earth, it all began years ago (long before Zootopia was a twinkle in Disney's eye) when gryphon Klaus first became a thing, then my brainchatter wouldn't stop asking itself questions about him and the world he comes from and answering itself in turn.

"Why a gryphon? Shouldn't he be an eagle?"

"Are gryphons common in his neck of the woods?"

"Are there more mythological beasts here?"

"Are they all mythological? Is Hitler a unicorn or something?"

"Can they use magic? Can they all use magic?"

"That'd be a little overpowering, wouldn't it?"

"Shouldn't some of them be normal animals to balance things out?"

"How would a civilization like that work? Human nobility is cocky enough without having wings or wizardry to hold over common folk as symbols of superiority, what does a dragon think of a field mouse?"

"I guess they look at it like the food chain: predators at the top, herbivores at the bottom."

"And mythological beasts at the tip-top."

"And omnivores are like "fuck the system, I do what I want!"

"Especially cats. It's hard enough getting humans to conform, and we're deeply social herd animals! Can you imagine what governing a nation of cats would be like?"

"I'll bet this AU has whole libraries dedicated just to teaching species A how to interact with species B. There've probably been wars started over some stupid dog queen mistaking the lashing of a cat king's tail for happiness.

"... What do the predators eat then? Fish? Bugs?"

"... Both?"

"... Each oth-- no, it's definitely fish and bugs... I hope."

"Big bugs. Really big. If most of the animal kingdom evolved into two-legged sentients in this universe, there's hardly anything that isn't a bug keeping the gears of nature turning."

"Would they really eat each other?"

"Not legally, I'm sure. None but the most depraved would want to. Well, unless there's war or famine and everything's FUBAR, in which case that British rabbit POW starts looking like soup and his kettle helm might live up to it's name."


Again, this was before Zootopia was a thing. I actually got the idea for their social structure from Tailspin. As a child I noticed that in Cape Suzette it was usually (but not always) the mammalian predators (apex predators especially) that held the most important positions in society whereas herbivores seemed to take a backseat. Avians, omnivores, and small predators were more flexible. It makes sense: an herbivore's primary goal is safety, carnivores are aggressive risk-takers and opportunists, so of course they'd be more likely to climb the social ladder. Herbivorous social animals seemed to have something going for them in Thembria, so... maybe they eliminated their predators via Bolshevik uprising? That's... chilling. DoyouseeitdoyouseewhatIdidthereit'sfunnybecauseThembria'sAUfurryRussia

Did you guess that couple? It's Joseph Goebbels and his wife, Magda, as pine martens! If you think Goebbels is cute, imagine what little Heidrun is going to look like.
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Cubs Say The Darndest Things
Wonderheart Bear: "'scuse me lady, are you my mommy?"

All My Heart Bear: "O-of course not! S-silly cub whatever gave you that idea? Heh heh..."


Has anyone else noticed how similar All My Heart Bear and Wonderheart look? No, of course you haven't, you guys have lives. :')

All My Heart might as well be named Valentines Bear, apparently her caring mission is running hither and thither on Valentines Day making sure nobody feels depressed or left out. That struck me as being odd since the show focuses almost exclusively on the dilemmas of very young children and, due to the nature of St. Valentines Day, All My Heart Bear would mostly be working with adults. That'd make her the second of only two bears whose job it is to help sort out humans' love lives, the first being Love-a-Lot Bear.

That along with the knowledge that red is traditionally a colour representing passion and carnal love, plus her striking similarity with the apparently orphaned Wonderheart and the icing on the cake that Love-a-Lot and Tenderheart are married in my headcannon made me think: maybe "uncle" Tenderheart isn't really an uncle after all, and an orphan Wonderheart is not. :stare:

Tsk tsk, and you're supposed to succeed True Heart as leader of the Care Bears one day! What would the Founders say? Do you think Noble Heart was going to Rainbow Gatherings hitting up hippie women for extra-marital affairs when he was your age?

Tenderheart Bear: "Actually, there's this funny story--"

WAIT, STOP

I don't want to know...
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Roundup
"Yeehaw! Get along little dogie, yer mother's waitin' on ya!"

Applejack "escorts" an overly adventurous young calf back to it's herd. Y'know, I've been thinking, remember Applebuck Season? So, these cows can talk, right? Do the ponies pay them for their services or is this a slavery type dealio? Not only that, but big splotchy Holstein dairy cows like the ones in the show aren't naturally occurring, they were selectively bred into existence. Did the Equestrians just, uh, instruct them who they should and shouldn't breed with over the course of thousands of years? And the cattle were totally okay with this arrangement... riiight. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Wait, the Holsteiner isn't a working cow, what's a horse need milk for? Either Ponyville has an overwhelming population of orphaned foals whose thirst needs slaking, or these ponies have highly unusual digestive tracts. And Applejack owns pigs and chickens, too. I can only think of two uses for a pig: meat or truffle-hunting, and if the Apples have ever sold mushrooms it's slipped from my memory.

... You know, in a universe where it's been established that all animals are highly sentient, this has some pretty dark implications. Hölle, what am I saying? The slaughter of animals regardless of where they sit on the spectrum of intelligence is the stuff of nightmares. Maybe that friendship map should have the main six clean their own house before it sends them gallivanting around sticking their hooves into other peoples' pies.

Maybe the friendship table is racist. Twilight, quick, play one of Hoofler's speeches and see if it arranges the little holographic villages into a swastika. :stare:
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:icongaryd12:
GaryD12 Featured By Owner 21 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey I see you have an interest in nazi ponies, do you know that there is a oc named Aryanne?
Reply
:icondragonstrider:
DragonStrider Featured By Owner 3 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah and she could'be been done better. Ya know without the Ilsa She wolf of the SS kinda personality?
Reply
:icongaryd12:
GaryD12 Featured By Owner 2 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, but I do like her a lot. Kinda not the person I wasn't expecting to reply to me, I was hopping the artist here to answer me. 
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:icondragonstrider:
DragonStrider Featured By Owner 2 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Uh-huh, well its kind of dubious not to know about it, also considering Crispy and I started this whole trend a few years back. Keep hoping though :heart:
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:icondcat12:
dcat12 Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Student Digital Artist
If I may ask,  Why do you find the need to shove swastikas in almost all of your art work?
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:icondragonstrider:
DragonStrider Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Because of Pagan religions and the fact the oldest Swastika in the world was found in my country.
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:icondcat12:
dcat12 Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Student Digital Artist
Mm.
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:icondragonstrider:
DragonStrider Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
What?
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(1 Reply)
:iconblooddragonjl:
BloodDragonJL Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2017
Madam, your concept intrigue me in the good way and I like your conviction in continuing this project :).

An unflinching watch of loyalty from me ^^.
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:iconstormythetrooper:
StormyTheTrooper Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I was never into carebears but I cannot express enough as to how much that "are you my mother" piece grabs me!

I wuv you mi crispito gato!~ :heart:
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